The undetermined became the determined, potty training is a success

 I seriously can't believe it, my undetermined 4 year old is now potty trained. (reference from previous blog) I bet your wondering how did I do it?  It actually was easy and complicated all at the same time.  Let me explain.  

First let me say that your child has to be willing and interested in potty training.  If not it won't work.  I know there are many blogs, articles, and advice that talks about I potty trained my child in three days, by the age of 2 and all that lucky mess but I promise you after working with my son since the age of 1 1/2 if the child has no interest in it then it will not happen.  

After "unasked" for input from my fiancé family I decided my son was smart enough and could get this but how to motivate him was the question.  I will be honest on how I did it.  There are several children his age that he plays with and they are working on potty training, just learned to potty, or are already potty trained so I used that as my motivation.  I would say look how smart Ryker is, he is learning to potty. He is learning to not wear diapers anymore.  Look at how big Dakota is, she is potty trained she doesn't wear diapers anymore.  Wouldn't that be nice?  You are just as smart as they are you can get this too.  I encouraged him that he was just as big, just as smart to potty train all it took was him to want to.  

Some might say that is a bad way to parent my child comparing him to others and making him not good enough because he is not potty trained and they are.  I would say to you that you are totally missing the point.  I was stressing to him that he is just as smart and just as capable as the other children that he knows to succeed at this obstacle and that he could tackle it.  I know my child is very smart, as all of us mothers should think, but I think when I made him aware that his friends were potty trained and that he could do it that he had what it took to do it too that was what he needed to hear.  

So the first day we started about 2 in the afternoon and he wore just underwear and a shirt whenever I seen him pull on himself I would tell him to go sit on his seat, most of the time it would result in nothing but after a while he did pee and I praised him telling him how proud I was of him and how he was my big boy! He did go twice and it was bedtime.  I put a diaper on him for bedtime just because I didn't have pull-ups yet.  I would say day 1 was a good success.   

The second day started off with tears of not wanting to take diaper off, note to self must get pull-ups.  After about 20 minutes of tears we were off to a hopeful day of potty training.  By the end of the day we were successful and had used potty with no slip ups in underwear.  I am so proud of him!!!  On this day however, we did have to go to town so we did put a diaper on until we got back home just because we didn't want any accidents. 

By day 4 we were on a roll and had this down pat.  I am so glad that I just waited till I was sure he understood.  Sure he probably did at a earlier age and could have saved myself a lot money on diapers but really once they are out of diapers then that truly means they aren't your babies any more and I guess I wasn't ready to let go of the diaper just as much as he wasn't.  When they are that little you really don't want to let them go.  

Here are my steps that I actually did to help him succeed at potty training.  

• When I decided to start I had a talk with him explaining what we were going to do, that he was a big boy and that was a good thing.  I also explained that being a big boy brought more advantages and told him a few of those. 
• As soon as he got out of bed it was time to potty, diaper or pull-up came off and he used the potty
• I called pull ups underwear not diapers that way he doesn't think its okay I can pee in them they are just diapers if he thinks they are underwear he will try not to pee in them (most important of all I think)
• Teaching him to wipe his butt was and is a challenge that one will take some more time so be patient
• I leave baby wipes in bathroom for the above
• When teaching they will give you clues they have to go watch for them for him he would literally pull on his peepee when he needed to go or when he could feel that it was getting time so when I seen that I knew and would have him go.  For pooping he would always want to hide so I knew after the first day he wanted to poop in potty because he got to flush and wipe his butt so it was new to him. 
• REWARDS are your friend it doesn't have to be toys and candy it can be a trip to the park, his favorite meal cooked for dinner, or his favorite treat for snack.  For our son it literally was to say a "bad word" which was "punk" he wanted to say that word so I said if you learn to potty you can say that.  After the third day he got to say it.  He was ecstatic.  Not sure why my child thinks saying punk is a reward but hey it worked and he is potty trained so I ain't complaining.  FYI by the sixth day punk had worn off and he didn't care about saying it anymore and still hasn't said it as of this update June 12, 2017
• Always be prepared when you go somewhere have a pull-up on and pull-ups in baby bag with baby wipes and change of shorts. It is called training for a reason.  I just didn't feel like cleaning the car seat, him, clothes, and possibly my car when a simple pull-up will suffice.
• Do read books about potty training to let them know what is happening.  They make some really awesome ones that are toddler friendly.  Our favorite was "Boy's Potty Time", with a real feel potty seat on cover.
• Lastly I was patient and didn't harp so much on him I put the little potty in the room we stayed in the most and every time I seen him pull on himself I sent him to sit on his potty before you know it he was getting it.  Once he was mastering the actual potty training, a few days, his father began teaching him standing up and holding it without spraying everything in sight (still work in progress)

At the time of original post it was 14 days and one accident. 

Potty training an undetermined 4 year old

 Undetermined is seriously a understatement.   We started at 2 1/2 years old, Maddox, getting him to know the potty because he started showing signs. The biggest one is he recognized that he knew he was doing something in his diaper.  At almost 3 he would say "change me please".  Hey at least he has manners even if he couldn't seem to get the potty training down yet.  

Signs of Being Ready to Potty Train

• Toddler who can stay dry for an hour or two stretch and can especially wake up from nap or in the morning dry
• Regularly has bowel movements at predictable times
• Increased awareness of bodily functions by letting you know that they need changing (to poop Maddox would go in a corner)
• An interest in neatness, cleanliness, dryness
• Understanding difference wet and dry, clean and dirty
• Familiarity with bathroom terminology such as pee and poop etc. and body parts such as bottom, weewee, or whatever you call the body parts in your home.
• Ability to communicate needs to understand and follow simple directions
• An interest in wearing underpants instead of diapers (where he still doesn't show an interest to this day)
• Ability to do some self dressing
• Curiosity about bathroom habits of others, they will follow you and other members into bathroom to see what they do. 

Maddox did almost all those by 3 and if he wasn't by 3 was doing them all by 3 1/2 except show interest in underpants still hasn't and probably won't.  Who knows he maybe the only first grader going commando you just never know with him.  He is a very unique character.

We had a couple success stories along the way.  A few times that he actually did use the potty, even in public which got him more praise.  We of course praised him and gave him toys and candy.  We went overboard if you want to be honest about it.  My mother and I both bought him these things.  It didn't stick.  You would think as a child you go to the potty and you get rewarded with toys and candy (M & M's to be exact we weren't cheap) you would say to yourself, hey I could be on to something here.  Not my child.  

In our home he has his own potty that has Elmo and Big Bird on it.  It literally collects dust he wants nothing to do with it.  Refuses to even sit on it.  He also Disney Cars seat that fits on our toilet he will at least sit on that one but still nothing.  Have you ever met a child that you put veggies on their plate and say to them you can't get up unless you eat your veggies and the next morning your still sitting there and they don't care.  That's him he will hold his pee he don't care or he will pee for you that time and then pee on himself the next to spite you (seriously been there).  

When I talk to his pediatrician, "He will get it give him time, he has to go at his own pace." Which is true he did stop nursing on his own and lay down the pacifier on his own but if we go any slower doc we will be graduating still in diapers.  I joke but I am worried.  So I am determined to get him potty trained by the end of summer.  It's only April why am I giving myself so long.  I will be honest, to get a game plan.  I have to come at this kid in a different way.  He doesn't respond to rewards, threats, intimidation, or begging even.  So what is his niche I have to find it.  What will motivate him to potty!!!  Maybe not seeing mommy go further insane??  We shall see.

I do have some steps I will share with you if you an aspiring mom of an a future undetermined child.  

• I am going to keep playing up how cool it is to potty like a big boy and how super cool it is to be mommy's big boy!
• I am going to keep playing up how cool it to be a big boy and growing up all together.  He can do so much more now that is a big boy! 
• I am going to do my homework by reading more on Pinterest, in my book "What to Expect the Toddler Years", and ask my friends that have already potty trained their kids.
• I am going to get Daddy to demonstrate multiple times (again)
• The research says to buy or borrow a doll that drinks and wets and encourage toddler to teach the doll how to potty train but I don't know anyone that has a doll like that and I am not sure if we want to purchase a doll considering we do not have a daughter.
• We already have a potty that he does like (the Cars potty seat that fits on ours) however if no success we may purchase a stand alone potty that he actually likes.
• Research says to switch to training pants
• Allow him to go bear bottom occasionally to get in touch with his body signals 
• Keep the portable potty close possibly in living room and then have the one that attaches to the toilet for backup or when he gets more confident.
• Dressing him in easier clothes to unfasten or get off when he does have to go to the bathroom
• Watch him closely for signs that he needs to go and then asking him if he needs to go when I see one.
• Watch the clock closely.  Once I get his pattern down on when he goes to the bathroom then I can expect to have a routine.
• Don't hold him prisoner on the toilet, allow him to come and go as he pleases.  He won't learn if he starts to fear or hate the potty.
• I will use a method that worked for me for years when I had trouble going turning on the faucet.  The sheer sound of the water hitting the sink would somehow always make me have to go.
• If he tells me he went after the fact, I won't count that as a failure.  After all he told me went we are still making progress.
• When he does go no matter how small I will celebrate the success!
• I will motivate him to be a big boy!
• I will have him learn to recognize when he is dry and when he is wet
• Remember to be patient with him
• Remember to teach him about washing his hands and good hygiene in bathroom
• Remember to inform anyone that is active in his life to help us with the potty training. 
• Remember to be sensitive to his feelings.  This is a learning process for him.

I hope all these wonderful tips help you with your undetermined child.

In the Spotlight

 As parents we are always proud of our children, stepchildren, adopted in children, (you know your kids friends that won't seem to go home).  That is just our nature.  As a mother seeing our child achieve a goal, make an accomplishment, receive an award, have a talent, you name it we cheer!  Has it ever been one child that seems to get all the cheering and one that just doesn't seem to get that lime light.  Not because you don't love them but it doesn't seem like they achieve any goals, win awards,  they aren't the go getter that your other child may be.  Doesn't mean you love them any less.  Just means one gets more cheers than the other.  So what do you do when that happens.  How can you make the not so get up and go getter get up and get something.  

You can't punish your child that does everything you expect and more or expect them to do less just because their sibling chooses the easier side of life.  So how can you keep cheering for the go getter winning personality child and still make your laid back child still feel just as encouraged, loved, valued, and appreciated.  

First and foremost focus on the positive not so much on negative.  If the praise for the other child is getting to the less achieving child chances are they are acting out by maybe throwing tantrums, misbehaving, even smart mouth to your and the other parent.  They may even are mean to the more achieving child.  Instead of going on and on when they act out STOP, that is what they want your attention.  Seriously at any means necessary and it will reinforce the bad behavior the longer your discuss it.  So keep the negative reprimand limited.  When you catch your child doing something positive praise them.  Make a big deal about it.  They make an A on a test put it on the fridge announce it at the dinner table.  Brag on them.    

Second carve out just us time.  Spending time with each of your children one on one doesn't hurt but making sure that daily your spending time with your child that is having difficulties lets them know you have their back no matter what. You can take them out for their favorite treat or to the park.  Anything that gets you and them talking and sharing how they feel.  If you truly listen you can learn a lot about your child.  If it is a crazy day then tuck them in making sure you ask about their day, what they did, what the best part was.  Don't make it a quick tuck in just to get back to all you have to accomplish before you crash into bed really give them your attention.  Chances are they will want to share with you all about their day even if they are hesitant at first.  You can always share things about your day to get the ball rolling and get them talking.  

Third is value the child you got.  Your child is already seeing their sibling as the golden child, the good kid.  "They are good at everything so I must be bad at everything" mentality is lurking in your child's subconscious.  The more you praise the "golden child" the more you make that true.  Tell your child they are special and tell them why.  Focus on what makes them unique.  Examples are their sense of humor, knack for knowing how others feel, they can draw a house better than no one else.  The long list of attributes your child has will help them see themselves in another point of view, yours.

Fourth is allowing your kids explore their own interests.  Encouraging your child to embrace activities will help them find their own niche and step out of their siblings shadow.  

Fifth is be honest with your child.  Tell your child that you understand that you spend a lot of time at their siblings tutor lessons, dance lessons, piano lessons etc.  "I know it must be frustrating for you I am not always home with you.  I would feel that way if I was you."  Being honest with them allows them to know its okay to feel upset and that they have a right to be upset and now you understand.   You can now find ways to repair it.  Maybe they can go with you to those lessons and you can write letters to each other if it is a situation you have to remain silent, sit in the car and jam out to the radio, or go for ice cream instead of take that conference call while waiting.  If it is a situation that they cannot come be honest with them about that as well.  Allow them to get upset and then allow them to come up with ways to be able to have quality time with you as well.  Even though you may not be actually spending the time with their sibling while your gone they are not going to see it that way they see it as your gone their sibling is gone with you.  You can honestly tell them till your blue in the face but until they see it with their own eyes it may not register with them that just because your gone together your not actually together.  Also they see it as their sibling is getting to do something they love so they are getting your attention and getting to do something fun.  Being honest with them may put this subject into perspective and break this ugly circle all together.

Even though kids are packed in these short little bodies they have big hearts and feelings and when they feel underappreciated by their own family  it can really take a toll on them.  I hope this post helps any future issues between your children.  Each child is unique in their own way.  One may be the top of their class while the other may just be the next inventor.   

Toddlers and Allergy Season

 For many of us parents our children have seasonal allergies.  We pretty much have a set routine what to do each time like clockwork.  We know it like the back of our hand.  Allergy medicine, humidifier, vapor rub to help breath, tissues family size and fever reducer are all in my arsenal of allergy fighters.  We all know the terrible symptoms; stuffy nose, nagging cough, watery and itchy eyes.  

It is not unusual for kids to get 6-8 upper respiratory illnesses a year.  To me that is about 7 to many.  Every time my poor son gets sick I feel helpless, sad, and I want to take his pain away.  I have literally read articles, searched on Pinterest, read books on the best way to handle allergy seasonal the best way.  

First you need to know is it allergies or is your child sick.  

1.  Is your child feverish or achy?
If you answer yes it is probably an illness, talk to your pediatrician about the symptoms, severity, and duration to see what action needs to be taken.

2.  If you answered no, have the symptoms persisted for more than 10-14 days with no or little change?

3.  If you answered yes, is there cloudy or colored mucus?
 
4.  If you answered no, do symptoms worsen outdoors especially during certain times of the year?

5.  If you answered no, could be indoor allergies.  Talk to your child's doctor or an allergist about testing for allergies from dust, animals, mites, or other pests.
If you answered yes, probably seasonal allergies.  A pediatrician or an allergist can suggest an antihistamine or test pollen, ragweed, or mold sensitivities.   

Now that you know whether it is allergies or an illness lets ease those awful symptoms.  Your child's pediatrician will most likely start them on an allergy medication that is non-sedating antihistamine like Claritin or Zyrtec.  I personally let my son's doctor prescribe it because I know I am getting the right dosage for his age I never get over the counter for him.  There is also nasal sprays such as Flonase but they are for kids 4 and up.  They attack the inflammation that contributes to nasal tissue swelling and results are more quicker than a pill.  Your child can also get an allergy shot where they get injected with increasing amounts of an allergen until they become less sensitive to it, that is done by an allergist and reserved for children over 4 whose symptoms don't respond well to drugs.

A blood test can be performed to help pinpoint what exactly your child is allergic to if your not sure if it is seasonal allergies. The allergist pricks the skin in which tiny amounts of various triggers are placed just under the skin in order to see what produces a rashlike response.  Both blood/skin prick test is not 100% accurate though.

 For us personally it was seasonal so further testing was not needed.  He was fine all year until the seasons changed and then he got sick and was fine once the season settled.  We give him his allergy medication once the seasons start changing and once they settle and mother nature has decided to stay on one season we stop until the next season change.  That is just our personal choice, we don't judge you if you choose to give your child allergy medicine all year.   I do not judge parents on their parenting because I am not in your shoes and to each is their own.  

Additional Tip According to Dr. Oz take your allergy medicine at night so it is already in your system for the morning.  We take our medicine at bedtime.

So what if drugs isn't your method of treatment.  There are drug free defenses you can take.  The first one is reduce your kids exposure to their trigger.  If it is seasonal limit their outside exposure on days when pollen is high, have them wear masks if they do have go outdoors.  Run air conditioner at night, run air purifier with HEPA filter in child's bedroom.  You can also get daily emails alerting you to the airborne allergen counts through American Academy of Allergy, Asthma, and Immunology.  They will notify you of pollen or mold from certain trees, grasses, or weeds in your area.  You can also dress your kids in natural fibers.  When synthetic fabrics rub together they produce static electricity which attract pollen.    Dusting and vacuuming frequently helps in your house to keep dust down, use Febreze Allergen Reducer on the carpet.  Another tip is give your child a bath every night making sure you wash their hair.  You can use a saline spray or neti pot (I do not recommend neti pot on toddlers or adults for that matter) to cleanse out the nose.

I hope this article and all the tips has helped you get to know Allergies better and how to get a handle on them.

Parents April 2012

Here's looking at you lazy eye

 At 37 I was diagnosed with a "lazy eye", or Amblyopia.  What exactly is Amblyopia?  It is a condition in which one or sometimes both eyes have reduced vision and the brain "shuts off" images received from the affected eye.  Basically decreased eyesight due to abnormal visual development.  There are more than 200,000 cases diagnosed every year so it fairly common.  

Parents can miss the symptoms as mine did.  Of course I had problems seeing the chalk board from a distance and often got moved often to the front of the class.  Yes before we go any further I did say chalk board I realize that shows my age but I tell you I prefer the old fashion method of pen and paper, chalk board and dry erase board over computer any day.  My eyes often burned and after a long session of taking notes off the dry erase board because it was so blinding white.   

A study found that kids ages 3 to 7 responded to lazy eye treatment so have your child's vision tested either by school or doctor.  If your child fails they will be sent to a ophthalmologist for a more thorough exam.  In my case the school nurse did test me.  This was 30 something years ago so chances are they didn't know what they do now and probably innocently either misdiagnosed me or truly didn't know what all they needed to look for.  

So what are the symptoms that you need to look for?

• An eye that wanders inward or outward
• Eyes that appear to not work together
• Poor depth perception
• Squinting of shutting an eye
• Head tilting
• Abnormal results of vision screening tests

In my situation I always squinted my eyes to focus no matter how clear something was even as a kid.  I even titled my head back thinking I could see it clearer.  My left eye was over compensating for the lack of help from my right eye.  As an adult my eyes would seriously do weird stuff during pictures on Snapchat.  I will include a pic to give you an example.

    
I talked to my family doctor and was sent to the eye doctor where I was sent to a retinal specialist.  My vision was 40/100.  My right eye is horrible, I can't make out details.  I also have issues with my peripheral vision, with not seeing certain spots. 

I hope this blog helps you spot issues with your child's vision before It gets too late.  

Parents April 2012
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